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I Am Suddenly Repulsed By My Partner- Help!

You find that you can’t help but cringe whenever your partner is around you. And the crazy part is you can’t seem to figure out why. Talk about going from head over heels to being horrified by their touch. You’re probably confused why this is happening. As far as you can remember, you probably cannot recall holding any grudge against them to the point where it somehow turned to resentment. So here you are worried and thinking to yourself “why am I suddenly repulsed by my partner?”

Well, You May Have Caught The Ick!

The Ick is a term that best defines what you could be feeling in this moment. When a person catches the Ick, they suddenly begin to lose attraction for the person they were once attracted to. This goes up to the point where even physical contact seems revolting.

Remember the time when you loved the feel of your partner’s hands on your body (even though it’s just your shoulder)? Remember the time when moments with them filled your head with “wild” thoughts? The Ick seems to put an abrupt halt to all of these emotions. It’s almost like a romantic death sentence. When you’ve caught the Ick, your partner’s romantic allure dissipates before your eyes. Their personality, which you were once comfortable with, seems to become a huge turn-off. You find that you begin to hate everything about them, even down to their little insignificant quirks. For some reason, your gut just reacts very strongly either to their mannerisms or the way they behave.

Does any of this come remotely close to the way you feel right now? Then no doubt about it: you’ve definitely caught the ick. While it is healthy to be repulsed by what is not good for us, as in the case of a toxic relationship, the ick rather points to something quite different. With the Ick, the relationship doesn’t have to be categorically harmful, you might just find yourself repulsed by your partner’s insignificant quirks (or literally everything about them). They’re just the way they are and it might just irritate you.

It is however helpful that you gain clarity and figure out what exactly repulses you about your partner. Along the line, you might find that this repulse has nothing to do with your partner. It may just be your perception about them that changed.

What Causes The Ick?

The things that cause people to catch the Ick are always person subjective. This makes it rather difficult to be sure of the exact causes of the Ick, as it usually differs from person to person. Most of the time, the ick is an indication of a deep feeling that this person isn’t somebody you want to be with. But on the other hand, is this a gut instinct that you should trust or a momentary panic you should push past? Should the repulse be taken for what it is or could it just be masking the real feelings? How do you even tell if the gut feeling that comes alongside the ick is real or not? If you really like the person you’re dating, it can be kinda confusing when “the ick” seemingly comes out of nowhere.

Holistically, you might find that you may begin to feel suddenly repulsed by your partner when you have a fear of intimacy. This is especially so when you really cannot pinpoint the exact thing about your partner that puts you off. On the surface, the repulsive feeling may seem all over the place and ambiguous. But when you take time out to seek clarity, you will find that you may have an underlying fear of intimacy.

Did you notice that before the relationship got serious, you were comfortable hanging out with them, taking in all of their personality, and probably returning their romantic gestures? But as things got deeper and a lot more serious, you began to find the whole experience overwhelming. Your feelings began to seem real to you and the thought of intimacy made you subtly cringe.

As a sort of defense mechanism, your mind subconsciously begins to pick up flaws in the other person’s personality/behavioral patterns. Your mind masks this fear and presents you with a “magnifying lens” so that you see all of the things that you repulse so clearly to the point where it becomes almost unbearable for you to withstand. And there you are with the ick, finding yourself suddenly repulsed by your partner.

You probably begin to pick something up in their value system that’s completely different from yours. The way they laugh or tell a joke might completely irritate you, or it could even be just their look or smell. It might interest you to know that our responses to smell, a person’s behavior, or value systems are largely unconscious. This, therefore, implies that the ick is a subconscious response, one that usually comes from an unconscious gut reaction.

What Do You Do When You’ve Caught The Ick – fight or flee?

So, now that you’ve found an answer to the aching “why am I suddenly repulsed by my partner” question, you would probably be wondering if there is a “cure” or solution to this “ick”. Although you may want to rationalize your feelings and convince yourself that you do like this person despite feeling cringed out, at the end of the day “the ick” is a feeling that’s pretty hard to shake.

Figuring out the exact reason why you are repulsed by your partner is really what would determine your next steps. This would determine if the ick is curable for you or if you need to part ways with them. The majority of the time, to gain clarity on this, you would need deep soul work, being vulnerable and honest with yourself. You may find that you caught the ick due to a fear of intimacy, or other unresolved relationship issues.

You’ll definitely be doing yourself a great deal of favor when you face those unresolved issues. Really choose to heal. You can then move on to build healthy relationships. If separating from your partner would help, then, by all means, do that.

On another note, if the reason you caught the ick is on an entirely different side of the spectrum, then things could be most certainly be sorted out. This however depends on whether the behaviors that irritate you are negotiable. When you catch ‘the ick’ it can be good to self-reflect: “am I being too picky? Do I just need more time to get comfortable with this person?”

Whatever the case may be, it is important not to gloss over your gut feelings. The ick can be the surface response to something deeper.

Also Read: 3 Simple Ways To Practice Mindfulness