12 Helpful Tips to Control Your Anger and Keep Calm

Physical Signs:

• Body Tension: Clenched fists, furrowed brow, tight jaw, or tensing of shoulders and neck are all classic signs.
• Increased Heart Rate: A racing heart is a clear indicator that your body is preparing for fight-or-flight.
• Sweating: Feeling hot or sweaty, especially in your palms, can be a physical warning sign.
• Stomach Issues: Butterflies, knots, or a churning feeling in your stomach can be a physical response to anger.

Emotional Signs:

• Irritability: Feeling on edge or easily annoyed by minor things is a telltale sign.
• Frustration: A mounting sense of frustration that builds and builds can be a red flag.
• Feeling Hotheaded or Flushed: Do you feel like you might “explode”? This is a warning sign.
• Intrusive Thoughts: Angry thoughts that race through your mind and won’t let go can fuel the fire.

Behavioral Signs:

• Sarcasm or Passive-Aggression: Using cutting remarks or indirect hostility can be a sign of simmering anger.
• Withdrawn Behavior: Sulking or withdrawing from a situation can be a way of avoiding an outburst.
• Argumentative Tendencies: Do you find yourself picking fights or looking for arguments? This could be anger bubbling up.

• Start Simple: No need to carve out a huge chunk of time. Begin with short, 5-minute sessions to build the habit. Find a quiet place where you won’t be interrupted.
• Focus on Your Breath: This is the anchor of mindfulness practice. Sit comfortably with your eyes closed or softened gaze. Notice your natural breath, feeling the rise and fall of your chest or abdomen. If your mind wanders, gently guide your attention back to your breath.
• Observe Your Body: Pay attention to any physical sensations without judgment. Are you tense? Relaxed? Notice any tingling or aches. Simply observe these sensations without trying to change them.
• Acknowledge Your Emotions: When anger arises, acknowledge it as a passing emotion – “I feel anger right now.” Don’t judge yourself for feeling this way. Observe the anger with curiosity, like watching a cloud drift by in the sky.
• Label Your Thoughts: Notice the angry thoughts that may accompany your anger. Label them as thoughts, not facts. For example, instead of thinking “This is terrible,” acknowledge it as “I’m having the thought that this is terrible.” Detaching from your thoughts can help reduce their power.
• Let Go and Come Back: Your mind will inevitably wander. Don’t get discouraged, simply acknowledge it gently and return your attention to your breath or body sensations. Think of it like training a playful puppy – with patience and practice, it will get easier.

• Increased heart rate
• Faster breathing
• Tensing of muscles
• Release of stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol

Deep breathing works its magic in a few ways:

• Activates the Relaxation Response: Deep, slow breaths stimulate your parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for your body’s relaxation response. This counteracts the fight-or-flight response, slowing your heart rate, lowering your blood pressure, and easing muscle tension.
• Shifts Your Focus: Focusing on your breath takes your attention away from the source of your anger. This mental break can give your emotions a chance to cool down and allows for a more thoughtful response.
• Promotes Physical Relaxation: As you inhale deeply, your diaphragm expands, pushing down on your abdomen. This gentle pressure can have a calming effect on your body, further reducing tension and promoting relaxation.

How to Practice Deep Breathing for Anger Management

• Find a comfortable position, sitting or standing with good posture.
• Close your eyes or soften your gaze.
• Inhale slowly and deeply through your nose for a count of four, feeling your belly inflate.
• Hold your breath for a count of two (optional).
• Exhale slowly and completely through your mouth for a count of six.
• Repeat for several minutes, focusing on the sensation of your breath moving in and out.

Empathy, the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person, can be a surprising superpower in anger management. Here’s why empathy is such a powerful tool and how to use it to keep your cool:

Why Empathy Calms the Anger Storm:

• Shifts Perspective: When you see things from the other person’s point of view, you might understand their actions or words weren’t meant to personally attack you. This reduces the feeling of being threatened or wronged, a common trigger for anger.
• Breeds Compassion: Stepping into another person’s shoes can foster compassion, making you less likely to react with anger and more likely to respond with understanding.
• De-escalates Tension: Empathy can diffuse a heated situation. Showing you care about the other person’s feelings can encourage them to calm down as well.

How to Embrace Empathy When You’re Angry

1. Pause and Breathe: Before reacting, take a deep breath (see previous section!) This creates space to consider the other person’s perspective.
2. Ask Questions: Instead of assuming the worst, try to understand their point of view. Ask open-ended questions like “Can you tell me more about what’s upsetting you?”
3. Listen Actively: Pay attention to their words and body language. Try to see things from their perspective.
4. Validate Their Feelings: Acknowledge their emotions, even if you disagree with their actions. For example, “It sounds like you’re feeling frustrated. I can understand why that would be upsetting.”
5. Focus on Common Ground: Look for areas of agreement. This can help rebuild connection and reduce tension.

Assertive communication is a key ingredient in anger management. It allows you to express your needs and feelings clearly and directly, without resorting to aggression or passivity. Here’s how assertive communication can help you control your anger and navigate difficult situations effectively:

The Power of Assertiveness:

• Expresses Your Needs: When you bottle up your frustrations, anger can build. Assertive communication allows you to express your needs and concerns clearly and respectfully.
• Sets Healthy Boundaries: Assertiveness helps you set boundaries and let others know what kind of behavior is acceptable to you. This can help prevent situations that might trigger your anger.
• Reduces Misunderstandings: Clear communication reduces the risk of misunderstandings, a common source of frustration and anger.
• Maintains Respect: Assertiveness allows you to express your anger in a way that is respectful of yourself and others. This fosters better relationships and more productive conversations.

How to Communicate Assertively to Manage Anger

• “I” Statements: Use “I” statements to take ownership of your feelings. For example, “I feel frustrated when…” instead of “You’re making me mad!”
• Focus on the Behavior: Focus on the specific behavior that is bothering you, not personal attacks. For example, “I would appreciate it if you could be on time for meetings” instead of “You’re always inconsiderate of other people’s time!”
• Use a Calm and Firm Tone: Speak in a calm but firm voice. Avoid yelling, shouting, or using inflammatory language.
• Body Language Matters: Maintain good eye contact, stand tall with an open posture, and avoid crossing your arms. This nonverbal communication projects confidence and assertiveness.

Taking a time-out is a simple yet powerful strategy for managing anger in the moment. It’s like hitting the pause button on a potentially explosive situation. Here’s how taking a time-out helps you control your anger:

• Prevents You From Saying or Doing Something You Regret: When you’re feeling angry, your emotions are running high. This can cloud your judgment and lead to saying or doing things you might later regret. A time-out gives you space to cool down and think clearly before reacting impulsively.
• Gives You Time to Calm Down: Anger triggers physiological changes like increased heart rate and muscle tension. A time-out allows your body to return to a calmer state. This makes it easier to approach the situation rationally instead of reacting out of anger.
• Allows You to Regain Perspective: When you’re angry, it’s easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment and lose sight of the bigger picture. A time-out allows you to step back and see things from a calmer, more objective perspective.
• De-escalates the Situation: Anger is often contagious. When you take a time-out, it can prevent the situation from escalating further and allow the other person to calm down as well.

When anger strikes, it can feel like a surge of energy coursing through you. But instead of letting that energy boil over into destructive behavior, you can channel it into something positive and productive. Here’s how to transform your angry energy into a force for good:

• Identify Your Outlet: The key is to find a healthy outlet that resonates with you. Consider your interests and what activities help you unwind. Do you like physical activity? Creative pursuits? Spending time in nature?
• Physical Activity is a Great Release Valve: Exercise is a fantastic way to burn off pent-up anger and frustration. Go for a run, hit the gym, do some jumping jacks, or even take a brisk walk. Physical activity releases endorphins, natural mood elevators that can leave you feeling calmer and more positive.
• Unleash Your Inner Creator: Channel your fiery energy into creative expression. Write, paint, draw, play music, dance – anything that allows you to express yourself freely. Creative pursuits can be a cathartic way to release anger and explore your emotions safely and productively.
• Punch It Out (Safely!): Boxing, kickboxing, or hitting a punching bag can be a great way to physically release your anger in a controlled environment. Just be sure to use proper equipment and technique to avoid injury.
• Channel Your Energy into Problem-Solving: Sometimes, anger can be a sign that something needs to change. If your anger is stemming from a specific issue, use that energy to brainstorm solutions. Focus on what you can control and take steps to address the root cause of your frustration.

Uncontrollable anger can sometimes be a symptom of a deeper issue. Here’s how to identify underlying issues that might be contributing to your anger:

• Consider the Frequency and Intensity: How often do you get angry? Is it a daily struggle, or more occasional? What’s the intensity of your anger? Does it escalate quickly and feel overwhelming? Frequent and intense anger can be a sign of an underlying problem.
• Analyze Triggers: What typically triggers your anger? Are there certain situations, people, or topics that consistently push your buttons? Identifying your triggers can help you understand what might be fueling your anger.
• Pay Attention to Co-occurring Symptoms: Do you experience other symptoms alongside your anger? For example, feelings of anxiety, depression, fatigue, or difficulty sleeping can be signs of an underlying condition.
• Reflect on Past Experiences: Have you experienced trauma or stressful life events that might be contributing to your anger? Unhealed emotional wounds can sometimes manifest as anger in the present.

Underlying Issues that can cause anger and mood

• Mental Health Conditions: Several mental health conditions, such as anxiety, depression, ADHD, PTSD, and bipolar disorder, can manifest as anger issues.
• Substance Abuse: Drugs and alcohol can lower your inhibitions and make you more prone to anger outbursts.
• Chronic Pain: Chronic pain can be incredibly frustrating and lead to anger as a coping mechanism.
• Stress: Chronic stress can take a toll on your emotional well-being and make you more irritable and prone to anger.

Many relaxation techniques can help manage anger. Here are a few effective options:

• Deep Breathing: This is a classic and powerful technique for a reason. It directly impacts your nervous system, promoting relaxation and countering the fight-or-flight response that fuels anger. See the previous section on “How Does Deep Breathing Help to Control Anger” for a detailed breakdown.
• Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR): PMR involves tensing and relaxing different muscle groups throughout your body. This helps to release physical tension that can build up with anger. Here’s how to do it:
  • Tense a muscle group for a few seconds, such as your shoulders or fists.
  • Focus on the feeling of tension.
  • Relax the muscle group completely and feel the tension drain away.
  • Repeat with different muscle groups throughout your body.
• Mindfulness Meditation: Mindfulness helps you become aware of your thoughts and emotions without judgment. This allows you to observe your anger without getting swept away by it. See the previous section on “How to Practice Mindfulness in Order to Control Your Anger” for a more in-depth guide.
• Visualization: Visualization involves creating calming mental images. Imagine yourself in a peaceful place, such as a beach or a serene forest. Focus on the sights, sounds, and smells of this place. Visualization can help to distract you from your anger and promote relaxation.
• Guided Imagery: Similar to visualization, guided imagery uses audio recordings to lead you through a relaxing scene. Many free guided imagery recordings are available online or in apps specifically designed for relaxation.

• Shifts Perspective: When you find something funny about a frustrating situation, it can help you see it from a different angle. This can lessen the emotional intensity and make it easier to deal with the situation constructively.
• Breaks Tension: A well-timed joke can lighten the mood and break the tension that often builds up during anger. Laughter can be contagious, diffusing the anger not just for you, but for those around you as well.
• Reduces Stress: Laughter has been shown to reduce stress hormones and promote feelings of relaxation. This can help you calm down and approach the situation with a clearer head.

How Humor Effectively for Anger Management

• Self-deprecating Humor: This is often the safest way to use humor in an anger-provoking situation. A gentle poke fun at yourself can help release tension and show you’re not taking things too seriously.
• Find the Funny (when appropriate): There’s often a sliver of humor in even the most frustrating situations. Try to find the absurdity in the situation, but be mindful of not making light of something serious or disrespectful.
• Avoid Sarcasm: Sarcasm can come across as mean-spirited or aggressive, which can actually escalate the situation. Stick to lighthearted humor that everyone can appreciate.
• Use Humor Mindfully: Humor isn’t a magic bullet for anger. It won’t work in every situation, and it’s important to read the room. If the situation is highly charged or the other person is very upset, humor might not be appropriate.