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Falling in love is a beautiful thing, one that you can never tire of, but this is only one of the stages of a relationship. Being with someone you love, and reciprocating that love, is incredibly exhilarating and fulfilling. However, this honeymoon period doesn’t last forever, and that is perfectly natural.
There are five stages of a relationship, including euphoria, attraction, crisis, disillusionment, decision, and ultimately, deep attachment. As you navigate through these stages, both of you will determine whether you are compatible and if your relationship is enduring and healthy.
Stages of a Relationship by Months
- Stage 1 – The Euphoric Stage: 1 months to 3 months
- Stage 2 – The Early Attachment Stage: 3 months to 6 months
- Stage 3 – The Crisis Stage: 6 months to 12 months
- Stage 4 – The Disillusionment Stage: 12 months to 18 months
- Stage 5 – The Decision Stage: 18 months to 24 months
- Stage 6 – The Deep Attachment Stage: 24 months+
Stage 1 – The Euphoric Stage
A significant aspect of this phase involves the influence of hormones such as dopamine and oxytocin. Dopamine, often known as the ‘feel-good hormone,’ triggers feelings of euphoria, desire, and motivation, commonly associated with the initial stages of romantic attraction. Oxytocin, often called the ‘love hormone,’ promotes feelings of bonding and strengthens the emotional connection between partners, particularly during intimate moments.
Have you ever found yourself initially drawn to someone, only to become annoyed by them later on? In this first stage of a relationship, often referred to as the honeymoon phase, everything is exciting and memorable. Lucy Brown, a clinical professor in neurology, has conducted research on the brain activity of individuals in love. She found that during this early stage, when we fall in love, we tend to forgive our partner’s faults easily. This is known as the suspension of negative judgment, where our brains overlook flaws in others. Just when you start to believe your partner is flawless, your judgment gradually improves over time, testing your true compatibility.
As individuals navigate through the Attraction and Romance phase, understanding these dynamics can lead to a more mindful and fulfilling journey, preparing the ground for advancement into deeper, more profound stages of the relationship.
What to do in this relationship stage
Enjoy this stage to the fullest! This is what makes dating so enchanting and captivating. However, stay mindful of your heightened emotions. Take moments to step back and assess both your feelings and your relationship. Ask yourself if this person truly aligns with your values and goals.
Seek honest advice from friends who can help you identify any significant concerns or red flags that you might be overlooking in the midst of this intense emotional phase.
Be cautious about rushing into major decisions; the intense feelings of infatuation can cloud your judgment and lead you into situations that may not be beneficial in the long run.
In general, avoid making decisions solely based on the euphoria of being “head over heels in love.” Remember, this intense infatuation is fleeting and will eventually fade.
Stage 2 – The Early Attachment Stage
During this stage, the more developed part of our brains starts to assert itself. The ventral pallidum, a region associated with feelings of attachment, becomes more active. While you continue to experience high levels of “love” hormones like oxytocin and vasopressin, the rational part of your brain begins to re-engage. You’ll still feel deeply connected to your partner but you’ll also recognize that both of you are unique individuals with differing personalities, desires, and requirements. These stages of a relationship involve partners who are deeply in love and are committed to building a future together.
This stage is also where physical intimacy often begins. It may last for 3 or 4 months depending on the individuals involved and their level of maturity, experience and self-awareness. Towards the end of this stage, and ideally at other times within it, it’s common for questions like “is this the right person for me” to surface. Women in particular may feel a need to understand the direction in which the relationship is heading.
What to do in this relationship stage
You’ll realize you’ve entered this stage when you can finally get some sleep! Your thoughts won’t revolve around your partner constantly, and your love will become more profound and meaningful. As you continue to learn about each other, your bond will strengthen. By this point, you will have faced challenges together, which will have deepened your connection. It’s crucial to support each other and strive for a partnership that allows both individuals to flourish.
Stage 3 – The Crisis Stage
The third stage of a relationship is the crisis stage, characterized by doubt and denial. During this phase, you begin to notice differences and issues between yourselves and your partners. The honeymoon phase comes to an end, abruptly awakening you from your romantic trance.
The power struggle between both of you intensifies, leading to growing resentment. Disagreements and conflicts are natural parts of any relationship and do not signify the absence of love. However, at this stage, feelings of love become mixed with irritation, doubt, and alienation.
As disappointment grows, so does the biological response to stress. Both of you may either engage in conflict or withdraw, depending on their circumstances, attachment history, and personality. You feel compelled to assert your values and beliefs, leading to a struggle for control.
What to do in this Stage
To survive this stage, it’s important to develop conflict management skills and employ conflict resolution techniques. Learning to address relationship issues directly and defuse conflicts is essential. Regardless of the intensity of your emotions, it’s important to treat each other with respect. Understand that arguments and power struggles are typical in relationships—they don’t signify impending doom for the relationship. It’s important to differentiate between unhealthy control issues and healthy disagreements. When conflicts arise, prioritize repairing the relationship with your partner. The ability to repair, or the lack thereof, will determine the path your relationship takes, whether toward success or failure.
Also consider seeking help from a specialized couples therapist during this stage. Many individuals wait an average of six years of unhappiness before seeking assistance to repair their relationship. However, the timing of seeking help can significantly impact the outcome. Enduring six years of resentment, frustration, sadness, and estrangement is undesirable. If you wait until stages 4 and 5 to see a couple’s therapist, your motivation may be low, and you may find yourself stuck in a negative cycle without knowing how to break free.
Stage 4 – The Disillusionment Stage
The next stage in relationships is disillusionment, which can feel like the end for some couples. During this phase, everything is laid bare, and the power struggles that were once beneath the surface now emerge. The unresolved issues that the couple had previously ignored or avoided addressing are now glaringly obvious.
Some individuals become overly vigilant and quick to engage in conflict at the slightest trigger. Others may gradually drift apart, avoiding conflicts and showing little interest in investing energy to sustain the deteriorating relationship. At this stage, the initial feelings of passionate love have faded into a distant memory.
What to do in this Stage
Address issues directly and allow space for open communication. Avoid the temptation to sweep problems under the rug as sweeping them under the rug only creates a buildup of unresolved issues that can trip you up later on. Despite the fatigue that repetitive arguments may bring, it’s crucial to confront them rather than ignore them.
During this stage, negative energy may abound in the relationship. Counteract this by continuing to show affection even when upset. It’s possible to acknowledge your anger and recognize that there are issues that need to be addressed, yet still, engage in activities together, such as going out for dinner and a movie.
In the Euphoria stage, the brain tends to focus solely on the positive aspects of the relationship, avoiding anything that might challenge that perception. However, in the Disillusionment stage, the brain becomes hyper-aware of all the relationship’s shortcomings. This means that while positive aspects are overlooked, the negatives capture your attention. To counteract this, consider practicing intentional gratitude, focusing on and appreciating the positive aspects of your relationship.
Stage 5 – The Decision Stage
The fifth stage of a relationship is often referred to as the Decision stage because it represents a critical juncture. Emotional breakdowns, extended periods of time spent away from each other after arguments, and self-protective behaviors become more common. Indifference and emotional distance may also prevail.
You’ll know you’ve reached this stage when you find yourself seriously considering leaving the relationship and possibly even making plans to do so. There might be a sense of longing for a fresh start with someone new.
During this stage, a decision must be made—whether to leave the relationship, to remain in it passively despite feeling miserable, or to actively work on repairing and improving the relationship.
What to do in this Stage
Couples should consider a different approach: committing to work on the relationship before making a final decision. Often, couples feel inclined to end the relationship, but when they acquire the skills for effective communication, years of resentment or distance can dissipate.
Engaging in this work entails recognizing your own contribution to the deterioration of the relationship and committing to genuine change. By making this final decision, we can glean valuable lessons that help us grow into the best versions of ourselves while affording our relationship the opportunity to flourish and deepen.
Even if couples choose to part ways, they can often do so amicably, wishing each other well and acknowledging their respective roles in the relationship’s outcome.
Stage 6 – The Deep Attachment Stage
The last stage of a relationship is characterized by Deep Attachment, representing the healthiest and most fulfilling phase. It’s akin to love’s summertime, where the fruits of a couple’s efforts have fully matured and are ready to be enjoyed. At this stage, couples embrace genuine individuation, self-discovery, and embrace imperfections in both themselves and their partners, understanding that perfection is unattainable.
Contrary to the first stage where the passion is intense, Professor Elaine Hatfield suggests that longer term relationships focus more on developing a strong companionship. When you and your partner reach deep attachment, you allow your union to flourish in social activities, whether it’s humanitarian or hobby based.
Although there is still work to do in this stage, the difference lies in couples’ ability to communicate effectively and engage in uncomfortable conversations without feeling threatened or resorting to attacks.
During this phase, couples rediscover the joy of playing together. They can laugh, relax, and deeply enjoy each other’s company. They may even rekindle some of the thrilling passion and intimacy experienced during the Euphoria phase, as each person undergoes personal growth that allows them to fall in love with each other anew.
What to do in this Stage
Conclusion
While these stages of a relationship are presented in a linear sequence, it’s important to note that not all couples will go through them in the same way. Some couples may revisit certain stages to foster further growth. The purpose of outlining these stages of a relationship is to assist you and your partner in achieving profound love together. Understanding these six stages of a relationship can enhance your comprehension of love and relationships. It’s important to recognize that although the initial excitement may fade, the later stages of a relationship offer the opportunity for a more meaningful and profound love.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. What are the 4 bases of a relationship?
The first base involves communicating through text or in person, holding hands, and sharing kisses. Second base includes physical contact above the waist. Third base involves sharing vulnerabilities in conversations. Fourth Base includes physical contact below the waist.
2. What is the hardest month in a relationship?
The most challenging time in a relationship often occurs in the second, third, or fourth month, when the initial attraction fades, and the reality of partner’s imperfections and differences becomes obvious.
3. How do you know if your relationship is going well?
Healthy relationships are best characterized by interdependence, where partners rely on each other for mutual support while maintaining their individual identities. This balance ensures that the relationship is healthy and stable.
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